RANDOM SCRIBBLINGS WHILE WATCHING THE SHOW:
Week 8 was very special to me as we saw the departure of Mr. Ames Brown. His forehead will always hold a very special place in my heart and has brought me tremendous joy over the past 8 weeks. The first part of this email is dedicated solely to that lovely piece of flesh. I would like to say that I think Ames is one of the most genuine, cool guys to ever hit the show. But nevertheless, the comedy must go on:
- It used to be fun when you would be drinking with a big group of friends and write on the forehead of the first guy who passed out. A friend of mine once had a sleepover with Ames and he passed out first. They were able to write half of the Bible on that bad boy.
- I had a dream that Ames walked into my apartment. I shook Ames’ hand first, and then I shook Ames’ forehead’s hand.
- Told this joke the other day…Ames walked into a bar. His forehead ducked.
- Ames’ forehead once one Connect Four in three moves.
- A buddy of mine once played golf with Ames. He said it was really annoying. Every time he hit a shot, they all had to yell ‘FOREHEAD!’
- Ames doesn’t believe in foreplay, he believes in forehead.
- Ames is a hedge fund manager. He would have a brighter future as a forehedge fund manager.
- Dos Equis has lied to you. Dos Equis man is not most interesting man in the world. Ames’ forehead is.
- I would only accept a Google+ invite from Ames’ forehead.
- Ames’ forehead knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
- I wonder how many variations of “Why did Ames’ forehead cross the road?” there are now.
- Ames’ once had a migraine but his forehead felt fine.
- The sweat from Ames’ forehead could cure cancer.
- Ames got pulled for speeding but his forehead talked its way out of the ticket.
- Elton John is actually trisexual. He likes men, women, and Ames’ forehead.
- Ames was on vacation in Japan in 2010. He was in the Indian ocean and accidentally scrunched his forehead. Perhaps you heard of the aftermath on the news…the Haiti Tsunami of 2010.
- Rumor has it that the real reason Ames got kicked off the show was because his forehead tested positive for steroids.
- AMES FOREHEAD JOKE BREAK...(sort of)...
- Ashley got to return home to Philadelphia. I once knew a girl from Philadelphia named Ashley. She also was a life suck.
- Comment most overhead by women on Saturday and Sunday mornings by the women of Buckhead: “There was a part of me that felt like I wasn’t 100% sure about saying goodbye to Ryan so early.”
- Ashley said Ames was one of the most unique guys she has ever met. Since when did people start using the word unique to describe large foreheads.
- Ashley doesn’t think Ames has any idea how unique he is. I once knew a guy named Dominique who was pretty unique. It was almost so damn literal.
- JP first kissed Ashley by flipping a coin and telling her, “Heads I get a kiss…tails I do not.” The next time he does that, he should try this variation: “Heads I get tail…tails I get head.”
- I once tried the above line on a girl. It was a double-tailed coin.
- Ashley asked if he was happy as a clam to be home. I never met a happy clam before, but if I ever do, I think it would be mean to eat it.
- I once ate an unhappy clam, and it upset my stomach.
- My Mom cooks a mean happy Apple Pie.
- Constantine’s sister Maria…HELLO! I just added 371 girls on Facebook named Maria who live in Cumming, GA. I heard back from one of them. It was a typo, his name was Mario. We are grabbing pizza this Wednesday night. Check please!
- Ashley joked that she cooks up a mean PBJ. If the P was not in there, it would be much cooler.
- TWSSMOTS (That’s What She Said Moment of the Show): Ashley said she likes her pizza organized. Constantine replied with, “that’s why your pepperoni’s are so perfect.”
- While the rest of Constantine’s family danced the jig in a circle, Grandma Constantine sat on the couch. She wanted to Dougie.
- Ames was really rude on his hometown date. He wouldn’t let his forehead get a word in edgewise.
- Ashley thinks Ames is like an onion, where you can keep peeling away and find more and more layers. I think Ames is more like one of those peanuts where you crack open the shell and there is nothing inside, except a large forehead.
- Ames’ parents both have normal sized foreheads. Weird. If I were Ames’ Dad, I would take a closer look at the old milkman.
- Ames told Ashley he was unpopular in high school. DFD! (Duh f*cking duh!).
- I bet Ames’ forehead was Homecoming King in high school.
- Ashley told Ames that they think the exact same way about things. It’s because Ames’ forehead can read minds.
- Ames once took his forehead to get its mind read. The mindreader’s head exploded.
- Ben was excited he finally has a chance to explore his emotional side. I once tried to explore my emotional side. I blacked out and woke up next to an empty bottle of Jameson, a midget, a priest, and I had a sore jaw.
- JP was trying to hint to Ashley that they were going roller skating by asking her “Think of fun indoor activities in the rain.” I yelled at the television, “JUST THE TIP!!”
- Andrew Zelman once took a girl roller skating. They made out 47 times before the first song was over.
- Ames was a gentleman after he was denied the final rose, but his forehead wouldn’t stop giving Ashley the middle finger.
Happy Bachelorette viewing tomorrow night. Stay tuned for the announcement of a BACHELORETTE FINALE VIEWING PARTY in Atlanta, coming next week.
Love,
-Hickey
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