RANDOM SCRIBBLINGS WHILE WATCHING THE SHOW:
- The correct term for “dot dot dot” is ELLIPSIS – indicates the omission or suppression of words, or parts of words, in speech and writing.” I bet if you asked Ashley the definition of ELLIPSIS, she would tell you it is a piece of cardio equipment.
- Part of Ashley’s heart is with Bentley in the United States. Part of my heart is with Chris Harrison in Hong Kong.
- I once locked part of my heart in my car.
- Chris Harrison was rocking hipster gray shoes. I’m still holding out hope he will break out Jesus sandals, so they become hip again, and I can break mine out of the closet.
- If Jesus wore Jesus sandals, it would be so damn literal.
- If I played Donkey Kong in Hong Kong, I wonder if that would be so damn literal on any level.
- Chris Harrison is an amateur. If the man had any game, he would have told Ashley to show up to “Bentley’s room” with a blindfold on and advised her to go straight for the make-out sesh to see if there was still a spark. All the while giving her his room number. Duh.
- Ashley was outside of Bentley’s door for a solid 2 minutes before deciding to knock. I wonder if she was trying to knock mentally but no one was answering.
- I once met Bradley Cooper on a plane, and his breathtaking musk almost knocked me off my feet. I have never met Bentley, but I imagine Bentley’s musk > Bradley Cooper’s musk.
- When Ashley asked Bentley what he was doing in Hong Kong, he should have told her he had a hankering for some Kung Pao Chicken.
- Ashley told Bentley when he left it was “hard for me for days”. Bentley should have replied with, “I saw a commercial on TV…if it’s hard for more than 4 hours you should consult a doctor."
- I once took a Viagra but it got stuck in my throat. I had a stiff neck for hours.
- Lucas’ date card read, “Let’s find our good fortune on the streets of Hong Kong.” If Lucas played the Hong Kong lottery on his date and won, that fortune cookie would have been so damn literal.
- Lucas said realizing his ex-wife wasn’t right for him was a tough thing to swallow. The hardest thing I’ve ever tried to swallow was 6 saltine crackers in 1 minute without water.
- The group date card read “Let’s get our hearts racing!”. If Chris Harrison would have broken out a fresh bag of cocaine, it would have been so damn literal.
- Ames asked if Ashley wouldn’t mind if he kissed her. I once asked a girl that question and she replied with, “Is the Pope Catholic?” I said, “DUH!”, and walked away. In hindsight, I think I blew it.
- Line of the show I also heard from Zelman this week: "This week I have a one on one date and two group dates…and I’m so excited for every one of them.”
- The group date involved dragon boat racing. I bet Ames’ forehead could row faster than Ames.
- Ben F and Constantine decided to go shopping instead of recruiting people for their dragon boat race team. WINNING!
- Hong Kong guy proposed to Hong Kong girl after the dragon boat races. Ashley asked what the chances were. I would have told her > chances of Mickey’s hair gel beating Ames forehead in said HBO fight.
- Swimmers can shave off their body hair to become more aerodynamic. Unfortunately, Ames can not shave off his forehead.
- Ryan P decided to rock the goatee this episode. If he could somehow manage to get a goat to drink out of a cup full of tea, it would be so damn literal.
- Ames and Ashley shared their first kiss. Ames was overheard telling producers it was much better than the last guy he kissed.
- Did Ames kiss Ashley, or was it a contest to see who could push each other’s faces harder with their noses.
- Mickey said Ryan P would not get a rose, but he did. Mickey then commented that he is going to keep his mouth shut because everything he says won’t happen actually does happen. If I were Mickey, I would find a camera and state, “Ashley will not turn into Emily.”
- Blake doesn’t want to play second fiddle to anyone. If Justin Bieber ever needed a second fiddle player, I would volunteer.
- It would have been the most dramatic cocktail party ever if Ashley told everyone she couldn’t drink at the party because she had mentally slept with Brad Womack last season and they were mentally 6 months preggers.
- Ashley wanted to make all of the guys feel great but she doesn’t know how to do it. She needs to learn about mental happy endings.
- Ames received the last rose. He looked relieved, but his forehead was giving Ashley the evil eye.
No standings updates and no best texts received. Sorry I'm not sorry it's a holiday weekend. Happy 4th of July!
Love,
-Hickey
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