Bachelor Fantasy Recap: Week 3 (Brad Womack)

SCENE SET:
I walk into my apartment after a long day of work. Exhausted, yet trembling with excitement to watch Bachelor Week 3. I'm hungry. Before making dinner - light the candles, put on Marvin Gaye, say something in baby talk to my fish (can fish hear through water? can fish hear?), disrobe for "Naked Thursday" in my apartment, and BAM it's dinner time.
ACTION:
What do I want for dinner? It's kind of late. Had a big lunch. Quick and easy is what I'm looking for. That's something Andrew Zelman would say. Top three options - Egg Sandwich, PBJ Sandwich, HBO (Honey Bunches of Oats) cereal with M&M trail mix sprinkled on top. Had HBO option the past 5 nights. Egg Sandwich or PBJ. Eggs have protein and B vitamins. Swiss or American cheese? Damn, wish I would have remembered to get more cheese last time I went shopping, cheese has expired. Turkey pepperoni - YES PLEASE! Getting excited. Damn, wish I would have remembered to get more eggs last time I went shopping, eggs are expired. Is Salmonella poisoning really that bad? Leaning toward PBJ. White or wheat bread? White, tastes better when dunking in chocolate milk. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter? People who like smooth are the same ones who get into the shower on the end where the shower head is and put the toilet paper on the roll with the tear piece on back instead of the front. I don't want to be that person tonight. Rasberry or Grape jelly? Damn, wish I had Strawberry. Grandpa used to have rasberry bushes and make his own jam. Sentimental choice made, rasberry it is. Cut the bread diagonally or straight down the middle? Down the middle is easier for dunking in chocolate milk. However, people who cut diagonally are usually excellent dancers and wear aggressive clothing. I want to be that person tonight. Diagonally it is. Damn, wish I would have thought about this longer and went with the uncut sandwich, old-school style, jelly dripping onto my clothes with every scrumptious bite.
Needless to say I was very stressed out after that 2-minute mind melt. Fast forward to 30 minutes into Week 3 of The Bachelor and hear Emily tell her unbelievably heartbreaking story and I am quickly reminded of the ancient Chinese proverb - "The man with no shoes complained until he met the man with no feet." Knowledge officially dropped on you. Don't sweat the small stuff. That is what Emily has taught me, and I am thankful for The Bachelor for giving me that gift.

RANDOM SCRIBBLINGS WHILE WATCHING THE SHOW:

Why did it take ABC so long to pick Kiss From A Rose as the season theme song? It's so damn literal.

"Let's find our love song" was a great cheesy pun date card for singing karaoke to Kiss From A Rose. If I had to come up with a cheesy pun date card, it would say "Let's find our happy ending" - and I would take her to an Asian massage parlor.

Ashley thinks of her Dad when she hears Kiss From A Rose. I think of Andrew Zelman.

Things no one should sing karaoke if they can't sing: Any Bon Jovi song, and Kiss From A Rose.

Damn, I wish I had strawberry jam.

Ashley is from Canada. It would be hot if she spoke Canadian.

What if those four actors who pretended to jump Brad weren't actors and were really jumping Brad. I bet he would be upset that the girls just stood there giggling.

The Best "That didn't go how you thought it was going to, did it?" Moment of the show: Brad asking Emily why her last relationship didn't work out. Cringe.

Brad used to swim. Not a shocker.

How Alli Travis won my heart: 1. When describing what she enjoys: "Let's go watch football, and then let's go make out." 2. She does not get pit stains. 3. She looks like Jennifer Garner.

Things overheard on The Bachelor that you will never hear Andrew Zelman say:
1. "There are 17 women left...3 have to go home tonight."
2. "The card says love hurts...but what really hurts is being on a group date with all these other women."
3. "When you have 25 beautiful women looking at you, you almost become more guarded."

Creepy fang girl had a strawberry in her champagne glass. I wonder if anyone has ever tried banana.

It would be great if Brad threw the roses at the girls when he asked them to accept, and if they dropped it they would have to go home.

Who knew creepy fang girl had feelings. Kind of like Mr. Carosi from Saved By The Bell.

I wonder what it's like to kiss one girl, go into another room, and kiss another girl? Zelman?

Happy Bachelor viewing tonight.


Love,
-Hickey