There comes a time in everyone’s life where tough decisions need to be made. Some decisions are tougher than others. Should I go to college at Syracuse or UGA (Do I want to be cold but intelligent or warm but uneducated)? Should I buy a Nissan Rogue or a BMW 7-series (Do I want to be a chick magnet or do I want to drive a BMW 7-series)? Should I order Coors Light or a Vodka Red Bull (Should I order Coors Light and a Vodka Red Bull)? Should I watch The Notebook on this lonely Wednesday night or should I watch The Hangover (Should I just write that I am in a glass case of emotion and in desperate need of watching The Notebook for the 78th time or should I pose a question as if I’m actually considering watching a non-chick-flick)? Does Justin Timberlake rip the lyrics harder on ‘Bye Bye Bye’ or does JC Chasez (Do I prefer a nice falsetto and blond tips or greater vocal range and sexy eyes?) Do I wear my Ed Hardy Deep-V out tonight or should I wear my pastel-colored polo (Do I want to be a chick magnet or do I want to wear my pastel-colored polo)? Should I comment on someone’s post on my FB wall as soon as I get the email notification or should I wait 7 hours and act like I was really busy at work (Hi, is anyone on this email list not my Facebook friend yet (www.facebook.com/rdhickey)?
9 weeks into The Bachelor...Fantasy Suite cards are running rampant in South Africa, women are starting to feel vulnerable, Womack is rubbing his earlobes more and more as he gets more and more confused, Seal is wondering how Kiss From A Rose fell out of ABC’s graces, and the set-up is complete for the greatest piece of television any of us will experience since Leo Dicaprio was a special guest on Growing Pains ~ the Women Tell All episode next week.
RANDOM SCRIBBLINGS WHILE WATCHING THE SHOW:
- Offering three separate women a Fantasy Suite card on three consecutive nights…there is a book written about this called “A Week in the Life of Andrew Zelman”
- Brad flew first class to South Africa. He should have dropped some variation of “It’s not the size of the cockpit that matters…” on the flight attendant.
- Best line of the show that could only be funny if your head is in the gutter: “I’m sitting here looking at South African bush…I’m on a safari…this is a dream.”
- 2nd best line of the show that could only be funny if your head is in the gutter: “You can’t be in the bush without a safari hat.”
- I wish ABC would have invited WWF’s The Bushwackers to be the safari tour guides. It would have been so damn literal.
- Instant reaction to Brad in a Crocodile Hunter-style safari hat: Looks. Like. A. Complete. Chach.
- Possible Epic Fail moment of the show that never happened: Brad asks Chantal to locate South Africa on a map.
- Chantal wore jorts on her safari date with Brad. Did she go to University of Florida or was it some sort of inside joke?
- I wish it would have rained on Brad’s safari date with Chantal, and Brad was clever enough to say “I bless the rains down in Africa”…and ABC was clever enough to play Toto’s song “Africa” at the same time. It would have been so damn literal.
- Webster’s Dictionary Moment of the Show, brought to you by Chantal ~ “Being engaged means you promise to that person you will be marrying them.” Thank you.
- When they showed the lions sleeping in the jungle, how did they not play Billy Joel’s “In the Jungle”? It would have been so damn literal.
- When Brad and Chantal laid down in bed together in the Fantasy Suite it would have been a perfect time for them to cut away to a monkey-humping shot…while playing “In The Jungle” by Billy Joel.
- Best pick-up line Brad should have used but didn’t: “I’ve always been good at navigating the bush.”
- Second best pick-up line that Brad should have used but didn’t: “Is that a monkey crawling in our bed or am I just happy to see you?”
- I wonder if Emily smelled Chantal’s perfume on Brad?
- Emily wants to know if a 5-year old daughter is too much for Brad. I think a beta fish that can magically feed itself and clean its own bowl would be too much for Brad.
- Emily says daggone a lot. If her grammar is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
- If I were a lion, I would try to find a zebra to eat. If there were no Zebra’s around, I would eat Emily.
- A monkey runs more like a human than Brad Womack.
- When Brad showed up straddling a South African guy on an elephant, Emily said it was her dream. It is also my dream.
- Confirmation that cargo pants are the new black: Brad wearing cargo pants.
- Brad pulled Ashley aside and left Emily and Chantal standing waiting for the final rose ceremony. If I were an EMT on site, I would have tried my daggone hardest to convince Emily she is about to succumb to heat stroke and requires immediate mouth to mouth.
- When Brad said “just the two of us” for the 11th time during the show, I thought for sure they were setting up a guest appearance by Will Smith and young Jayden.
Love,
-Hickey
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